I really wish I had seen this prior to becoming one of Jessica Simpson’s myspace “friends”.
A source told Britain’s More magazine: “After she split up with John Mayer, she set up a MySpace page to meet new people. She did it in a fake name but got really into it. She’s totally addicted. Whenever she’s at home, she’s on her laptop.”
Jessica is said to be seduced by the freedom and anonymity internet dating provides.
The source added: “Jessica loves the idea she can use the internet to look for a man who’s interested in her personality. She pretends to be this shy Texan girl.”
I never realized Jessica Simpson would take things so far. Of course it kind of explains the chat messages I’ve been receiving as of late.
phineas_g: …
shy_DD_texan: You wanna cyber a bit
shy_DD_texan: I’m, like soooo hot for you right now
phineas_g: …
shy_DD_texan: So what’re you wearing?
phineas_g: …
shy_DD_texan: Really, I’m, like soooo hot for you right now
phineas_g: logging off now
shy_DD_texan: Hey, get your ass back here
shy_DD_texan: NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!!!!!!
shy_DD_texan: I know where you live
phineas_g: What???
shy_DD_texan: I’m just kidding, really, I wouldn’t hurt you
shy_DD_texan: You want me to do that thing with my tongue?
phineas_g has logged off and left the country
Really folks, I’m getting scared here. If there’s a dead bunny in my mailbox when I get home I’m calling the cops.
