Trouble has snuck upon George Michael yet again, for last night he was arrested for the 3rd time this year. In this episode, George finds himself slumped over the wheel of his vehicle after stopping at a busy intersection. Other motorists honked their horns, and some even dared to knock on his windows, but George did not awaken until emergency vehicles arrived. He failed a blood-alcohol test and was taken to the hospital for further analysis. Later, he confessed to smoking cannibis and was taken to the police station. Tonight, he’ll be out on bail and continuing his fifty date European tour.
George Michael’s year thus far, according to the UK Mirror:
FEBRUARY: Cautioned after he’s found slumped in his Mercedes in London. Cannabis and sex toys were recovered from the car
APRIL: Prangs three neighbours’ cars with his Range Rover causing ”21,000 damage
JULY: Has a gay sex romp with a tubby 58-year-old van driver on Hampstead Heath and insists he did nothing wrong
And from the Faith video, more pictures of George Michael’s ass below. Just because we’re funny like that.
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Dennis Miller: Well, George, if you’re so concerned with your image, why were you a no-show at the Grammys?
George Michael: Butt maintenance is very important. And, in fact, that is why I missed the telly-cast. I began preparing my butt a full forty-eight hours before the Grammys. I did a mineral pre-soak. I plucked it, waxed it, buffed it. And, as I was applying the sealant, I looked up and Billy Crystal was saying, “Good night!”
Dennis Miller: Let’s get back to your work, George. What about your new album?
George Michael: But – but look at it. Look at it. [rises, shows butt to Dennis] Don’t – don’t be afraid of it, Dennis. Don’t deny it. Look at it. [wiggles butt] It’s a nice butt. Look at it. It won’t hurt you, Dennis. It’s your friend.
Dennis Miller: Yeah. I know, George, I know, I know.
George Michael: [sits] You fear my butt because you don’t understand it. You resist it like all the others before you, yet its power only grows. …
Dennis Miller: Have you spoken to Andy Ridgeley lately?
George Michael: What about my butt?! [rises, shows butt to Dennis] Look at it! You can’t take your eyes off it, can you?! [Dennis stares deadpan at the wiggling butt, occasionally glancing at the audience] It’s hypnotic! Try to look away! You can’t look away! Try to look away! You can’t! Look at it! Look at it! [sits] Did you know – did you know, Dennis, that my butt has the power to heal? Put a wilted flower near my butt. It blooms! I don’t claim to understand it, I’m only its servant!
Dennis Miller: George. George, man, let’s get off the butt thing–
George Michael: Dennis, my butt will not be trifled with! [rises, shows butt to Dennis] Do its bidding, Dennis! Save yourself! Resist and die! Surrender and live eternally! My butt will prevail! It will outlive us all! For I have achieved perfect buttness! [cheers, applause and whistling as George Michael rises and rips off his microphone - he and his butt exit]
Dennis Miller: [after a pause] Bummer.
Dennis Miller: Well, George, if you’re so concerned with your image, why were you a no-show at the Grammys?
George Michael: Butt maintenance is very important. And, in fact, that is why I missed the telly-cast. I began preparing my butt a full forty-eight hours before the Grammys. I did a mineral pre-soak. I plucked it, waxed it, buffed it. And, as I was applying the sealant, I looked up and Billy Crystal was saying, “Good night!”
Dennis Miller: Let’s get back to your work, George. What about your new album?
George Michael: But – but look at it. Look at it. [rises, shows butt to Dennis] Don’t – don’t be afraid of it, Dennis. Don’t deny it. Look at it. [wiggles butt] It’s a nice butt. Look at it. It won’t hurt you, Dennis. It’s your friend.
Dennis Miller: Yeah. I know, George, I know, I know.
George Michael: [sits] You fear my butt because you don’t understand it. You resist it like all the others before you, yet its power only grows. …
Dennis Miller: Have you spoken to Andy Ridgeley lately?
George Michael: What about my butt?! [rises, shows butt to Dennis] Look at it! You can’t take your eyes off it, can you?! [Dennis stares deadpan at the wiggling butt, occasionally glancing at the audience] It’s hypnotic! Try to look away! You can’t look away! Try to look away! You can’t! Look at it! Look at it! [sits] Did you know – did you know, Dennis, that my butt has the power to heal? Put a wilted flower near my butt. It blooms! I don’t claim to understand it, I’m only its servant!
Dennis Miller: George. George, man, let’s get off the butt thing–
George Michael: Dennis, my butt will not be trifled with! [rises, shows butt to Dennis] Do its bidding, Dennis! Save yourself! Resist and die! Surrender and live eternally! My butt will prevail! It will outlive us all! For I have achieved perfect buttness! [cheers, applause and whistling as George Michael rises and rips off his microphone - he and his butt exit]
Dennis Miller: [after a pause] Bummer.
It’s too bad about George – I used to like him! What a wreck he is these days.
It’s too bad about George – I used to like him! What a wreck he is these days.