With a wink to Gawker’s Obscure Leonard Cohen Quote Of The Day, we learn that the proven methods of retaining one’s youth by dodging the sun’s harsh glare, eating fruits and vegetables in abundance, and moisturising the skin are vastly overrated. Such preventative health methods are a total buzzkill and should be shunned in favor of importing the stem-cell tissues from Ukranian and Russian aborted fetuses, only to inject them into the pesky trouble spot of one’s choosing.

The absurdly youthful cells will allegedly repair and optimize the used and abused organs of anyone willing to pay the price. These and related procedures to several well-respected clinics and located in Barbados, Russia, Holland, the Dominican Republic, and (shock!) Manhattan, NY. One can fly to any of these destinations after consulting with, among others, a specific Malibu doctor, who will arrange for your youthful rejuvenation packaged with a luxury vacation.

This is the future and present of vanity. In his bid for reelection, Arnold Schwartznegger has set aside $80 million of taxpayers’ earnings for stem-cell research. The resulting stem-cell therapies are popularly known to treat such conditions as Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s disease. However, the usefulness of these stem-cells lies with their rejuvinating properties, which naturally descends into fountain-of-youth territory. Tony Blair tossed his chips on the table just last week, and certainly in a few years, Victoria and David Beckham will plunk down their advertising royalties for the fruits of this poisonous tree.

- Learn more about this barbaric kind of beauty.