Let’s admit that the loveable rascals at PETA are not without their flaws. Sure, they’re intolerant, fanatical bullies. Granted, they’ve got their heads shoved so far up their butts that they’re violating a core principle of veganism by gnawing on their own tonsils. But in their defense, we should admit that PETA knows attention-whoring like Tarantino knows bad Seventies movies. The latest example? PETA president Ingrid Newkirk’s radiantly daffy notion of marketing George Clooney-flavored tofu. Newkirk is, of course, insane. Which doesn’t mean she’s not perfectly serious:
Of course, your fans would swoon at the idea of eating CloFu, but what interests us most is that we would attract many people who don’t try tofu because they worry that it would be bland or that they wouldn’t know how to cook it. CloFu will help people be healthier and more environmentally friendly and will spare animals from being killed for the table.”
The catch here is that CloFu won’t have any tasty long-pork goodness. Instead, PETA plans to derive the flavor from a gym towel soaked with Clooney’s sweat. So in fact, CloFu would taste much like chewing on Clooney’s gym socks. Or worse. At any rate, the actor won’t go there. “As a mammal, I’m offended,” he announced through a rep. Then, right after the picture above was taken, he underscored his displeasure by cramming that puppy in his mouth and devouring it in a single bite. A typical Hollywood leftist, Clooney, but not a complete wimp.
