Across the pond, the National Movie Awards took place one evening ago at London’s Royal Festival Hall. Our favourite overwrought midget, Tom Cruise, received the “Screen Icon Award,” which was presented by none other than Gwyneth Paltrow. In all of his false humility, here’s what the Poison Dwarf gave in way of acceptance speech:

It’s a real honour for me to be here tonight. This great city of London. This great country England. I’ve made several films here. I have been fortunate. I guess as a film maker the most important thing to me is you. If I have entertained you at all, I thank you. Thank you for allowing me to do so.

Such a generic speech, but at least the Cruise didn’t deliver a long, rambling diatribe like he did at the Bambi awards. Speaking of which, the Bambis (which are Germany’s equivalent of our Oscars) had bestowed him with the “Courage Award,” which sounds a lot like “Screen Icon Award” in terms of the bullshit factor. That is, these “special recognition awards” are not recurring but merely handed out at whimsy by the establishment in question. More importantly, these honours are not based upon competition between shortlist candidates and settled by voting but, instead, most likely purchased by a studio as part of a promotion strategy.

Conveniently, Cruise is currently pimping Knight and Day — just as he was pushing Valkyrie (which was originally slated for a Feb. 2008 release but was later twice rescheduled) when he accepted that Bambi award in Nov. 2007.

So, am I really accusing the Cruise of accepting made-up, nonexistent awards? Draw your own conclusions.

Imagery: Daily Mail