Take one insanely devout Scientologist, dress him up like a Nazi, and then ditch the regalia and eyepatch for a U.S. Presidential seal with allegedly limited veto power and all that shit.
Doesn’t quite work for ya, does it? Unfortunately, Cinema Blend gives us the wretched news that the Cruise has accepted the role of U.S. President Ben Cahill in the upcoming thriller, 28th Amendment:
Cruise will take the role, with Denzel Washington co-starring as a the head of a super-secret organization that actually controls the government. You mean like the Masons? Or the Skull and Bones society?
This sooper seekrit society is apparently the kind that destroys or eliminates any human obstacle that dares get in their way. Sound familiar? Oh, sure, the film could be allegorical — no 28th Amendment exists yet, get it? — but I’m thinking that a barely-cloaked, in-your-face depiction of the Knights Of Hubbard is what’s actually gonna happen.
Since the Cruise has pretty much tapped out the available resources for his United Artists productions of late, he’s looked elsewhere for employment. In a strange move, Warner Bros. has decided they’re stupid enough to take on “the Next Big Thing that’s supposed to save Tom Cruise’s none-too-marketable ass.” Why this reputable film studio is rooting around in the Cruise’s recent politically-motivated hole is beyond comprehension.
We’ve already talked in extravagant detail about the Cruise’s portrayal of an arrogant senator in Lions For Lambs, which lost $50 million, and his would-be Hitler assassin in Valkyrie, which is stuck in post-production hell. Tom’s upcoming cameo of a balding, fat guy in Tropic of Thunder certainly can’t work that much positive mojo.
In a relatively short amount of time, Tom Cruise has become box-office poison. Film studios should be very wary that the Cruise is no longer able to separate his Scientology agenda from his public persona (Will Smith, beware), and this inability to compartmentalize carries over into his portrayal of film roles. The dude just needs to disappear for a few years and stay out of the auditing room, but that will probably never happen. After all, someone needs to keep Katie Holmes in new shoes.
Previously: Gratuitous Insincere Tom Cruise Photos: Hottest. Nazi. Ever.
4 comments
This is very interesting, actually. Paranoid movies about government conspiracies tend to do a lot better when Republicans are in office. (Mostly because bong-toking conspiracy nuts are skewed to the left.) Hollywood wants Obama elected, but do I sense a certain lack of faith?
This will be another dismal flop, of course. Nobody wants pay to watch any more thinly veiled blathering about the evils of the government. All you’ve got to do is turn on CNN.
[...] Anyone can become President: even Tom Cruise! (AgentBedhead) [...]
“Film studios should be very wary that the Cruise is no longer able to separate his Scientology agenda from his public persona (Will Smith, beware)”
^THIS^
And it’s a major shame the conspiracy movie with Denzel is going to have nutty box-office-poison Cruise in it, because otherwise it sounded really interesting. Denzel hooked up with R. Crow in some movie after Crow disfigured a clerk because Crow was mad at his wife. I don’t even remember that movie’s name, because it sickened me that it had a diva-psychopath in it. Denzel might want to learn to be a bit choosier, or at least wait longer until shamed actors have redeemed themselves (like Downy seems to finally have done).
Ugh! Aw, god! I do NOT want that man playing a character with the same last name as me! I feel filthy now!
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