Over the weekend, Tom Cruise, along with wifebot Katie Holmes and daughter Suri, babysat the children of David & Victoria Beckham during an L.A. Galazy soccer game. Poor Suri looks as if she’s about to give up the gig at any moment.

In other news, Cruise’s vainglorious attempts to embody hero Claus von Stauffenberg have been thwarted yet again with news that Valkyrie has been postponed (for a second time) until an unspecified release date in 2009:

The film is not only a blow to Cruise as an actor but in his more recent incarnation as a movie mogul at United Artists (UA), the studio which made the film.

One critic in Hollywood has declared “Valkyrie is dead”, with another arguing that the film’s problems could also wreck the revival of UA.

UA’s first major film, Lions for Lambs, a story about the Iraq war with Cruise and Meryl Streep starring and Robert Redford directing, flopped.

Valkyrie was shot on a budget of $90 million dollars but has reportedly left test audiences somewhere between frigid and amused, with “[t]he quality of Cruise’s German accent” and laughable portrayal of a Nazi standing out as a major issues. If not for that massive budget (and that hot Nazi ass), I would be willing to bet that the film would be shelved indefinitely. However, the possibility for box-office disaster is almost certain, and some critics wonder if Cruise will ever recover his selling power:

Roger Friedman, who has a widely read film blog and a column on foxnews.com, recently advised Cruise, who was formerly married to Nicole Kidman, to “do another Jerry Maguire-like comedy” to get his acting career back on track.

Sorry, but that is a terrible fucking idea. After all, Tom Cruise currently appears as a bad stand-up comedy act on a daily basis. The guy needs to hunker down in his Telluride, Colorado bunker for a few years. Only after a nice vacation from Cruise will the public be willing to accept him again, and his most likely possibility for success would be in one of his vapid action films.

Meanwhile, we have a slight update to the Cruise Ship Of Doom story. As per Scientology’s usual strategy, the method of dealing with the presence of blue asbestos on its Freewinds cruise ship is Deny. Deny. Deny.:

Private docking company CDM refused to comment and Scientology spokesman Karin Pouw denied the vessel is “under lock-down”.

She said it will be ready to sail later this month and added: “Freewinds is being restored to better than new condition and no expense has ever been spared in meeting the highest safety standards. It is undergoing a complete refit, including renovation of all cabins, accommodation facilities and upgrading all navigational and nautical equipment. The Freewinds regularly inspects air quality on board and always meets or exceeds US standards.”

Last night a spokes-man for Cruise, the church’s top “pin-up”, insisted that he had “absolutely no knowledge” of the current scare surrounding Freewinds.

That’s right, folks. Everything is just fine in the realm of Scientology. Run along now.

More creepy ass pictures (source: Daily Mail) from the L.A. Galaxy game below:

Previously: Tom Cruise: Hottest. Nazi. Ever.