The above film still from the otherwise dull Great Expectations reminds us of a time when Gwyneth Paltrow wasn’t quite so stuffy and, well, annoying as all hell. Nowadays, the only amusement that Goopy brings us arrives when she uses her weekly Goop newsletter as a self-healing mechanism. Naturally, she thinks we’ll never figure out what she’s really getting at, like that “frenemy” blind item that turned out to be a veiled discussion about Winona Ryder.

This week, Goopy consuts with several male “experts” on the following question: “What does it take to sustain a happy and successful relationship/marriage?” These guys predictably answer in clichés, such as the guy who describes love in terms of a road trip. Then, Deepak Chopra takes his turn:

What causes love to go away?

Many answers have been offered — boredom, routine, various distractions, outside obligations, fixation on work, wandering libido, lack of trust. But instead of dealing with such a long list item by item, there might be a simpler way. If you can rescue love every day, bringing yourself back to the place where love is, all the other problems don’t have a chance to grow.

To rescue love, you first must understand what it is. Love includes affection but is more than affection. It associates itself with sexual desire, kindness, compassion, altruism, and mutual regard. With those things in mind, many couples turn love into loving acts and loving feelings. But such efforts are the effect of love, not love itself. You cannot turn an effect into a cause. For example, if you find out that your partner has cheated, you have a reason not to love him or her. Trying to be nice instead of nasty won’t revive your love.

This stuff is so obtuse and generalized, but I guess maybe someone can benefit from it. A few of Goopy’s other “experts” include some PR dude and a Kabbalah wise man, the latter of which certainly couldn’t save Madonna’s marriage. Hell, if Goopy is truly looking for solutions to her own marriage woes, perhaps she could start hanging out with her husband for a change. You know, instead of going to extreme measures never to be photographed standing next to the dude. Just a thought.