Darlings, our wondrous leader has deigned to write a “Dear Gwyneth” set of questions and answers for us helpless pedestrians, who cannot possibly choose our own consumer products and require the advice of a pedigreed expert. Unfortunately, she never answered the “Why are you such an insufferable bitch?” question (which was actually sent to her by a certain troublemaker), so we’re basically going to ignore most of the shit that she did answer. However, this tidbit was of interest:

Q:“GOOP often has contributions from professionals in their field, other celebrities, as well as highlights of certain restaurants and stores in a city. How do you pick which specific people or places to include – are they truly favorites hand-picked by Gwyneth or are some of them paid advertisements or something else?”

A:Everything on this website is authentically recommended by me, whether it be something I absolutely love, something that was recommended to me by a trusted friend or something I’m planning to try. All the content is tried and tested by me or a GOOP certified source, and of course, nothing here is an advertisement.

Now, you might be wondering what exactly qualifies “a GOOP certified source” to maintain the GOOP-mandated sense of integrity? Well, we’re not about to put words in Gwynnie’s mouth (enough crap comes out of there in the first place), but anyone who reads GOOP would probably agree on this partial list of GOOP-approved geniuses: the divine Deepak Chopra; the stupefying Sting (and his spectacular wife, Trudie Styler); the breathtaking Beyonce (with a “Yo!” shoutout to Jay-Z); the stupefying William Joel; the extraordinary Christy Turlington; the pint-sized Tracy Anderson; and basically anyone who has enough sense to perform a seasonal cleansing process to “nourish the inner aspect.” Also, toilet paper salesmen because, well, one can never know enough of those incredible creatures!