Gwyneth Paltrow is a fairly talented actor and, hands down, one of the most annoying women on the planet. So it’s no surprise that her website Goop has generated a certain amount of backlash almost from its inception. The blog gives Gwyneth a chance to display her trademark airheaded know-it-allism, and to give lifestyle advice to her inferiors. Lately she’s even been rooting around in their bowels, explaining how to lose weight by purging all that nasty crap from their bloated intestines. (Warning: the purge may lead to slight liver damage and hallucinations.) And how does Gwyneth feel about those who think this vapid, condescending nonsense is just a bit silly?:

I think part of the problem is people get a hit of energy when they are negative about something, and it is a very detrimental way for them to get that hit of energy. They do not understand why they do not have a happy life. That kind of stuff is just noise to me. I just feel sorry for them.”

Sweet chocolate-covered Jesus on a stick, this woman irritates me. So many problems would be solved if only she’d dump that Coldplay hack of a husband of hers and hook up with her spiritual doppelganger Madonna: 1) as a couple, they’d take attention away from Lindsay and Samantha; 2) Gwyneth could probably lure Madonna out of North America, which is where I like her; and 3) the two of them would create such a powerful vortex of pretension that it might suck them right off the face of the earth.