Only mid-April, and 2009′s perfect Christmas gift is already here. Particularly if your gift list includes that Frank Booth creep from Blue Velvet. PediSedate is a perfectly simple concept: a Game Boy with an attached headset that feeds the user a steady stream of nitrous oxide. The device was invented to minimize the trauma children feel during scary medical procedures, and (like many scary medical procedures) it’s logical, even necessary and admirable, but still utterly disturbing.

Sadly, PediSedate is only available to licensed doctors and dentists who’ll use it for its intended purpose. This seems as puritanically unreasonable as stating that ladies’ “personal massagers” are good for massages and absolutely nothing else. A steady flow of nitrous would make anything in the “Legend of Zelda” series roughly eighteen times as entertaining. The video game companies ought to be bidding for the rights to this gizmo, but if they don’t, I predict doctors and dentists will become very, very popular as the holidays approach.