When Oasis frontman Noel Gallagher isn’t recording albums of Beatles do-overs, he keeps himself amused and in the press by pissing all over Robbie Williams, Green Day, Elton John, Bono, his brother Liam, and pretty much anyone else in his general vicinity. Noel is what our UK readers would call an arsehole. (And yes, I sometimes agree with his obnoxious comments, but that’s beside the point. Let’s keep the focus here on Noel.) Now that Noel’s pushing forty, he’s looking for a wider stage on which to exercise his talent for grandstanding loudmouthery, and politics is the obvious choice. So Noel is thinking about running for Prime Minister. Actually, I think to become PM you have to a) be a member of Parliament, and b) lead the party with the majority of seats, or at least with a majority coalition. Just “running for Prime Minister” isn’t really an option. But Noel isn’t interested in petty details. He wants to turn Britain around, and to do that he’ll have to hang some people. Lots of them:

I’d definitely bring back hanging – that’s for starters. All these violent offenders – you get convicted three times by three separate juries then you’re going to the gallows.

If by any off-chance some evidence comes up that you might have been innocent and could prove it beyond reasonable doubt, then your next of kin gets ’500,000. Vote for me.

If Noel would just hang the various wankers on his personal shit list and then conclude his term in office with a final, climactic hanging of the Gallagher brothers, he’d get my vote. Granted, I’m an American, but Noel doesn’t get hung up on details like that. He’s more of a big-picture guy.