Of course, due to the pernicious influence of David Letterman, I can only make a list that counts backwards….

25. Those fat guys, otherwise known as Jack Black and Michael Moore. Jack Black makes a career from bad music and ejaculation humour, and Michael Moore’s stardom stems mostly from his criticism of President Bush. How about some original ideas?

24. Romance novels, particularly the Harlequin series that features thematic covers including sheiks and sultans, women who marry rich men, pregnancies, men in uniform, falling for one’s kidnapper, or the like.

23. Gestures made by politicians intended to create a “Hey, he’s just like me” or “How sweet, he cares about me” sort of fuzzy feeling within voters, such as the Clintonesque One Thumb Up signal.

22. Movies longer than two hours, unless they are movies directed by either Kevin Smith or Quentin Tarentino.

21. Astroturf burns on one’s knees.

20. Extremism of either side of the political dichotomy, right or left, including but not limited to the following: feminazis, Christian coalition, feminazis, environmental tree-hugger whackos, communists, and militia men.

19. Poetry other than Leonard Cohen and Sylvia Plath. Any man that breaks out the Pablo Neruda should immediately lose his balls.

18. Reality television overload…especially the Donald Trump show, The Executive, plus various oddities which include shows about running a restaurant, life in the ER….it’s all rather sickening when people actually watch these.

17. All things Oprah Winfrey….also all things directly related to, derivative of, or otherwise unfortunate enough to be associated with her. Nuff said.

16. Self-help dating books, particularly The Rules, That Schmuck Dr. Phil’s Relationship Rescue, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, and Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff.

15. The following so-called celebrities: Bob Saget, Jon Lovitz, Joan and Melissa Rivers, Jessica & Ashlee Simpson, Britney Spears, and Dennis Rodman.

14. Icky bugs, including but not limited to the following: Fleas, ants, spickets, spiders, mosquitoes, ticks, gnats, centipedes, millipedes, scorpions, and chiggers.

13. When you accidentally step into a glob of sticky chewing gum. Even worse, when a new pair of pants gets ruined when one unwittingly sits down on a piece of it.

12. Drama Queens and Drama Kings.

11. Online dating sites in which the attractive women are comprised mostly of amateur porn stars and prostitutes. On these sites, the five attractive women in any given city who actually exist are the ones who must deal with the fury of those who do not get laid.

10. Corporate criminals, such as the Enron posse, who have yet to receive any substantial punishment besides the proverbial slap on the hand, whilst Martha Stewart gets sentenced to prison time largely because she failed to kiss the right asses.

9. Men who lust after barely-legal girls.

8. Huge weddings that cost anywhere from $4000 to $40,000, which turn into a virtual circus complete with engagement party, bridal shower, bridesmaids luncheon, bachelor and bachelorette parties, and rehearsal dinner. Ugh. Vegas baby, Vegas.

7. Traffic and all its side effects, such as headaches, roadrage, anxiety, wasted time and gasoline

6. The U.S. 1st Circuit Court of Appeals, for deciding in U.S. v. Councilman that email providers were allowed to read customers’ messages, and this did not violate the Wiretap Act.

5. Womanizers, especially those who pretend that they do not fall into this category.

4. Those who spread gossip and rumours or otherwise live vicariously off the successes and failures of others.

3. Liars, cheats, thieves, frauds, and anyone who allows or furthers commission of these evils.

2. Individuals who stay in romantic relationships despite the other party treating them badly, i.e., cheating, physical or emotional abuse. Even worse is when the weak-willed party believes that the cheating or abusive partner will somehow “change.”

1. Terrorism of any sort, international or domestic, of either the physical or cyber variety.

Sigh…and now Sadie feels sooooo much better.