When it recently became public knowledge that Joaquin Phoenix was leaving the film industry behind for the chance to become a musician, I sort of figured he’d go the Jared Leto way. You know, I thought Joaquin would start wearing eyeliner, begin to act upon a faux-necrophiliac fetish, and develop a sudden and inexplicable hatred for bloggers. Above all, Joaquin would, presumably, score tons of backstage groupies, but dude may have preemptively obliterated that possibility by, apparently, deciding to never groom himself ever again. In addition, Joaquin has decided to launch a career as the worst white rapper in history, possibly surpassing even the trail of slime left by Kevin Federline.

I cannot help but think that, once again, Joaquin just might be doing this on purpose.

Before hanging with the 2008 Miss America Contestants and spontaneously launching a third career as the reigning Miss Kentucky, Joaquin debuted his madd rappin’ skillz at Lavo in Las Vegas:

Fluttering around the club’s catwalk, Phoenix, 34, rapped to the sounds of a drum beat and encouraged the crowd to dance. Though dancing was at a minimum, the crowd watched intently as a scraggly Phoenix – who donned a scraggly beard, long, unkempt hair and a ripped gray hat – hopped up and down and pumped his fist in the air during certain lyrics.

“You hold a very special place in my heart,” the Oscar-nominated actor told the crowd near the end of the performance.

While the crowd cheered for the songs, Phoenix said he was prepared for mixed feedback before taking the stage. “Are there people out there who think I’m a joke? I’m sure there will be,” he told PEOPLE. “Are there people who think it’s going to suck? Probably, but I can’t worry about that.”

Two clips of video footage from Joaquin’s first “rap” gig on the next page. The first clip shows him actually falling offstage, which leads one to believe that, yes, Joaquin is hitting the drugs pretty hard these days. If that is the case, Casey Affleck, who is clearly visible in the second clip and is filming footage for a so-called documentary, needs to quit that shit and talk some sense into his brother-in-law.

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