Inspired by The Commissar, from his comment upon last week’s edition of White Trash Wednesday.

Post #1: 8:48 am

Sorry, I won’t be posting today…my life is much too busy, and I am so important. Gee, I hope you don’t go through withdrawal pains without me posting these pearls of wisdom. If you are really fortunate, maybe someday you will be as highly sought after as myself, but let’s face it, that won’t be happening anytime soon. Never fear, I shall post again, and you’ll keep kissing my ass when I come back.

Post #2: 9:10 am

Do you miss me yet? I’m really not feeling the love, Peeps. Comments Are Open.

Post #3: 9:31 am

Again, I’m really really sorry about not posting more. I am the world’s worst blogger. Please understand that blogging is only my way of blowing off steam, and I never meant for you people to become addicted to a daily dose of moi. Make that several daily doses, but hey, who could blame you? The blogosphere would collapse without me to hold it up, and lemme tell you, this burden ain’t light. You try it one day and you’ll see. Whoops – forgot I was busy. Later.

Post #4: 9:35 am

Whoa – Look At This Shit!

Post #5: 10:01 am

Sorry, I won’t be posting today…my life is much too busy, and I am so….. Oh wait, I already posted that. Sorry, got busy and forgot.

Post #6: 10:11 am

Citrus-flavored toothpaste – What’s up with that? It’s like drinking orange juice and brushing your teeth at the same time. I’ll take my Sunny Delight before, thank you.

Post #7: 10:27 am

Light posting day today, folks. I hope you understand some of us have to work for a living.

Post #8: 11:14 am

My comments section is not a chat forum. Go elsewhere if you can’t comment on something relevant to my brilliant prose. Do I do that in your comments? Oh wait – I don’t comment on other people’s blogs – I’m too important for that.

Post #9: 11:35 am

No one makes you come here to see if I’ve posted anything, so shut up, or I’ll delink all your sorry asses!

Post #10: 11:57 am

Smoke break. Toodles.

Post #11: 12:13 pm

Yeah I know I said this morning it would be light posting, but this afternoon, I really mean it.

Post #12: 12:40 pm

See how I’m not posting? Witness the awesome display of self-control.

Post #13: 1:15 pm

Here’s some wrong thinking for you. L-O-S-E-R.

Post #14: 1:50 pm

I need to go to the bathroom now, if that’s okay with you parasites.

Post #15: 2:03 pm

Now I’m headed to the bathroom. Right now.

Post #16: 2:37 pm

I’m back. Don’t look so worried! Sheesh, it’s like you thought I quit blogging. I would never do that.

Post #17: 2:40 pm

Blogging sucks. I quit. Forever.

Post #18: 3:21 pm

No one’s linked me today. What’s up with that?

Post #19: 3:39 pm

Wimmen suck. They’re ALL just alike.

Post #20: 4:03 pm

My traffic is kicking it. Have I told you people lately that I Love You?

Post #21: 4:11 pm

So, like, were you really worried when I quit blogging? Comments Are Open.

Post #22: 4:28 pm

My boss is looking at me funny. I’d better do some work now.

Post #23: 11:14 am

HAHA! Fooled you, suckers. Sometimes, it’s just too easy. I changed the timestamp on this posting. I can do that.

Post #24: 4:33 pm

Plamegate – Is that a play on words or something?

Post #25: 4:48 pm

Ooooh. Almost 5:00 – gotta go. 25 posts today – I work too hard for you people, so I’m putting my foot down. Light posting tomorrow, and this time I mean it!