An interesting discussion at the Why We Protest forums has revealed that the recruitment strategy of Scientology has grown to include online dating:

I heard Scions are also flocking to dating sites to trick others in. If using sex-to-sell isn’t a cult signature I don’t know what is . . . that certainly would be an interesting bit of news for at least the dating website bloggers to alert people to.

Then, rather hilariously, the discussion turns towards a Match.com profile of a well-known OT V level Scientologist who uses the typical tagline of “Friends first….. keeping it real……..yet looking for love…..” and who has been “Active within 24 hours.” Interestingly, his turn-ons include “power and money” but he leaves the “religion” and “faith” sections of his profile completely blank. I’m guessing that he waits to pull out the auditing manual until at least the first date. So, ladies, if you see this man, run like hell! Really, it isn’t unusual for a cult to use sex to (virally?) spread its message. For a well-documented discussion of such a strategy, see the Wikipedia article on the Children of God cult.

This whole topic reminded me of a first-season episode of David Duchovny’s “Californication.” (Full disclosure: I’m just now beginning to download and watch the series.) David Duchovny’s character, Hank, has attended a dinner party at the home of his ex-wife and fiance, who are actually trying to set him up with a fairly attractive woman. She tells everyone at the dinner table about her recent divorce, which was a result of finding out her husband was gay:

Hank: “Could have been worse . . . instead of finding out that your husband was gay, you could have found out he was a Scientologist or something like that.”

Scientologist: “I’m a Scientologist.”

Hank: (clearly fumbling) “. . . or a Nazi . . . or Al-Qaeda.”

Later, Hank apologizes to the Scientologist and, inevitably, he puts the moves on her:

Hank: “I’d say, aside from the fact that you worship a space alien, you just might be the most beautiful woman I’ve seen in a long, long time.”

Well, I guess that worked because, after just a few minutes, they’re totally doing it in their hosts’ bedroom:

Hank: “I don’t think Tom & Katie would approve of what we’re doing right now.”

Scientologist: “Oh God, shut up and fuck me already.”

Hank: “Are you Clear yet?”

Scientologist: “Shut up and fuck me.”

Hank: “You’re one kinky Thetan.”

Then, things start to get wilder, and the Scientologist uses her OT superpowers too much, so Hank ends up getting knocked off the bed, hits his head, and pukes all over a painting. Sexy.

In reflection, I recalled actor Jason Beghe’s story of how he and Duchovny laughed their asses off about the OT 3 story:

When I got out, one of the first people I went to go see was David… we live in the same city. So, I went over to his house… we were just walking around… so we started to talk just a little bit about, like, the OT levels and stuff like that, you know, and he doesn’t watch “Southpark” or whatever. I started to explain to him the story about Xenu and the royal officers, I tell you, fuck me (laughs), I mean, I couldn’t get my way 1/3 of the way through the story, and we had our faces on the floor, we were laughing so hard. I mean, you couldn’t even talk because it was just so… it’s retarded. It’s insane.

Yes, Scientology really is fucking insane, which might explain the cult’s stance that psychiatry is responsible for the Holocaust and 9/11. Duchovny, on the other hand, is pretty damn awesome.