Email. It seriously pisses me off since I get far too much of it, and no, I’m not talking about Nigerian spammers or anything related to prOn. Actually, now that I think of it, why don’t any of you lurkers send me prOn? Thank you for that omission, by the way.

At any rate, this lurker’s email box is filled with all sorts of junk. The law school absolutely refuses to take me off their “current events” list, and thus they send massive craploads of messages entitled “women’s dress for success,” “50 cent hot dogs at grand opening of Allah temple” (say what?), “missing laptop cord,” and all sorts of other nonessential, and for that matter, nonentertaining jibberish.

Next up on the shit list are the “link me” groupies, who fire off an email every goddam time they write a posting. Dude, I really don’t care whether or not you wrote yet another posting on Cindy Sheehan’s hidden past, nor if you discovered that high-threadcount sheets are the essence of life itself, and least of all if you’re just cutting/pasting five paragraphs from another blog and adding two pithy sentences that add absolutely nothing to the discourse. Now if something extraordinary falls from one’s nimble fingers, or if a charitable cause is involved, then perhaps on rare occasions an email isn’t so offensive. I confess to having emailed a handful of other bloggers on rare occasions, but this is a privilege I’ve assumed only three times, and this is a practice that I consciously avoid. Everyone wants to pimp their valueless wares for some bizarre reason, and lemme tell ya, it’s just plain rude and counterintuitive. Consistently pimping lame-ass postings only causes people to ignore your emails, which isn’t what you want, right? If you want your blog to thrive, then please concentrate on the content and make sure that the colour scheme of your blog doesn’t trigger migraine headaches. The rest of the process is, as they say, dumb luck.

Speaking of colour, I shall switch the focus of this email-oriented rant to the plight of the postmodern blog designer. Of late, I’ve been operating at a small fraction of my usual capacity in both areas of my online life – blogging and coding – for valid reason. Taking time off has helped me start the process of rejuvenation, and I’m trying to slowly get back into the routine. So please, if you wish for me to continue with projects we discussed before the commencement of said hiatus, then return my emails. Please don’t assume that I can read your mind and create your vision without some communication. Simple replies are nice, such as “sure go ahead with that phase,” or a polite “fuck off” will do as well, so that Phin and I can clarify our forseeable schedules. Please know that we haven’t the time to accept work from all those who solicit our services. If we’ve been working with you, we probably think that you’re pretty groovy, so we have chosen to do so at the expense of another potential project. Obviously we understand that sometimes life gets busy, but we cannot infer such things from telepathy or some other such new age vibe crap.

Ranting is quite theraputic – perhaps I shall do more of it.