American Idol has been in a ratings tailspin for a few years now, and with both Paula and now Simon Cowell out of the picture, there’s no longer any reason for a sane human being to watch the show. (Of course, you might be watching for the musical performances, in which case… well, there’s really nothing more to say.) The show’s producers think bold steps need to be taken to restore AI’s popularity, which is why they’re talking with the only person who combines Paula’s drug-addled dementia with Simon’s suave, easy-going charm, all wrapped up in one sexy package. I’m talking, of course, about Courtney Love Cobain. Courtney’s record of fostering pop music talent is, shall we say, ambiguous, but she’s not the most random name on the list of potential judges. Here are a few other possibilities:

Other rumored candidates have included: singer Jessica Simpson, radio shock jock Howard Stern, Bret Michaels, Chris Isaak, Elton John and Justin Timberlake.

The technical term for this rigorous selection process is “flailing.” In other words, the producers know they’ve got a dying franchise on their hands (I give it two more years), and they’re grasping at straws looking for something, anything, to revive the beast. Courtney won’t do the job, but I’m all in favor of adding her to the judges’ panel. It will make the inevitable trainwreck vastly more entertaining.