Lindsay Lohan’s story just keeps getting better and better, and by “better” I mean “much, much worse.” In the last few months the greatest actress of her generation has been arrested, entered rehab (for the second time), relapsed, been arrested again, seen her latest movie flop like a trout in a bucket, gone back into rehab (where her chores include scrubbing the toilet), and now rumors are flying that she’s pregnant. Let’s hope this isn’t true, because that wouldn’t be good news for anybody. Somehow I doubt that Lindsay is brimming over with maternal, nurturing instincts. And the child of Lindsay Lohan would be the only person in the world who came from a more screwed up, dysfunctional family than Lindsay Lohan herself.

Of course, if she is pregnant then despite the title of this post I doubt Lindsay has any more idea than the rest of us who the father might be. The list of male starlets, emo rockers, and pizza delivery boys who might have provided the sperm is so lengthy it would look like the phone book for a medium-sized city. Although my money is on Samantha Ronson. You just know that chick is hiding something.