Next week, the Demystifying Divas and Men’s Club shall commence posting these weekly discussions on Thursdays, rather than Tuesdays. This will lessen the Tuesday burden due to various members contributions in those carnival thingeesiggoabobs. *Ahem* Moving right along….

The topic de jour involves Chick Flicks & Guy Flicks, and I have come to the not-so-surprising conclusion that when it comes to taste in movies, I am a man. Let the out-of-context quotations run amuck, if you will, but to illustrate, I offer characteristically blunt reactions to E! Online’s Top 10 Chick Flicks:

10. Sabrina: Harrison Ford in a tux? I don’t think so.

9. Pretty Woman: Hmm. The whore/madonna complex all bundled up inside of Richard Gere’s psyche. Isn’t that quite the prophecy, really?

8. Gone With The Wind: Frankly, I don’t give a rat’s ass.

7. When Harry Met Sally: Slightly bearable, if only for the New York City architecture and the orgasm imitation scene.

6. Steel Magnolias: Excuse me while I puke. Repeatedly.

5. The Women: Bwahaaahaaaaaa. Yeah right.

4. Waiting To Exhale: I would rather shit twice and die than watch this one.

3. Sleepless In Seattle: Would be far more interesting if Tom Hank’s character turned out to be a sociopath.

2. The Way We Were: I. Hate. Barbara. Streisand.

1. Beaches: Depression is fun!!!!! Whine whine whine.

Why exactly do these movies annoy me so much? With little exception, these movies involve wimpy, defective characters who revel in their self-pity. When I have a problem, sitting around and reflecting on it is sickening, for I would rather do something to solve the problem, or at the very least, mitigate the damage involved. Whether the problem is a burning plantation, illness, or hating one’s fiance, these movies largely feature the female protagonists sighing and wondering, “Oh woe is me. Who will ever save me from this terrible fate?” For example, Sleepless In Seattle features the adorably tousled Meg Ryan, who is just so dissatisfied with the man she’s going to marry. Never mind that she agreed to marry the poor schmuck, for this voice on the radio is so intriguing. She becomes so completely obsessed with this voice that she simply must escape the clutches of said fiance and travel to meet this other man. Sure, that’s right. Escape reality into a fantasy….that always fixes life’s little irritations, doesn’t it?

On the other hand, so many so-called guy flicks appeal to me, because the characters don’t just sit around and wallow in their own self pity. Instead, they take action, whether it involves personal struggle or a quest for an all-encompassing solution. Most importantly, these flicks tend to contain much witty repertoire. I’ll take snappy one-liners over some long-winded pity party any day, so what follows is an incomplete list of those very movies:

Pulp Fiction, Terminator, Stripes, Caddyshack, Good Fellas, Dirty Harry, Fight Club, The Godfather, The Blues Brothers, James Bond, Swingers, Reservoir Dogs, Cool Hand Luke, Blade Runner, Fast Times At Ridgemont High, Blade Runner, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, The Magnificent Seven, The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, True Romance, The Maltese Falcoln, The Highlander, From Dusk Till Dawn, Clerks, The Boondock Saints…. oh so many guy flicks for this chick. As a bonus, scads of shirtless male hotties are sprinkled throughout, which doesn’t much hurt either.

Now make haste towards the oh so ebuillient Chrissy, Silk, Kathy, and our guest diva of the week, Margi Lowry. This topic was also covered recently at the Divaesque The Shiela Variations, and as usual, Red never fails her readers. Then go visit da boyz – Phinny, Stiggy, and the Naked Villains, who send in the Minister “Ladies, I’m Single” of Propaganda to do their dirty work. I assume if the very metrosexual Smallholder had written this week, it would be an entirely different take on the subject. Just a guess.

(Still holding out for whether or not The Wizard will be joining in this week….and GOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLL!)