Australian psychic Jeanette Kumara has written a book of Celebrity Past Lives, and while I can’t vouch for her psychic abilities, the power of her imagination is freakin’ awesome. Here, for example, is her account of one of Paris Hilton’s previous incarnations:

Past Life: Sometime in the 1400s, Paris had a miserable life as the fat lady in a travelling band of Romanian gypsies. They went from town to town setting up their tents and entertaining people with juggling, fire eating and other acts.

Paris would sit outside her caravan while people laughed and threw coins at her. She hated this life, but it was the only way she could survive. The horse that pulled her caravan was her only friend and its spirit is with her still.

In this life, Paris has a subconscious fear of gaining weight and she should be careful not to get too thin. Otherwise, she has everything that she wants.

An enterprising blogger at ONTD found a collection of Kumara’s past life readings in the January issue of Australian Woman’s Day and posted them online. You’ll have to go there to learn about Russell Crowe’s brutal career as an English pimp who got transported to Van Diemen’s Land, or the interesting life of Courtney Cox and David Arquette as two thirds of a polygamous Mormon marriage in nineteenth-century Utah.