The usual suspects seem to be behaving relatively well today, so here’s a bit of happy news: Bella Swan’s engagement ring can now be yours. Just the thing to begin your lifetime commitment to someone who plans to name your firstborn “Cullen,” gender be damned. And the real-diamond version is practically a steal at a mere $1979! It’s hard to say what would be an appropriate wedding gift here. At least half the couple might appreciate a revolver with a single bullet in the chamber, or an industrial sized bottle of sleeping pills–anything to escape from this union into the sweet oblivion of death. Then again, the person deranged enough to buy this ring is probably a perfect match for the person deranged enough to accept it.
Possibly the only thing sadder would be a Nav’i themed wedding, where the bride and groom dye themselves blue. Then after the exchange of vows, they’d whip out their built-in USBs and tastefully jack into each other and “bond” (I believe the Nav’i term is “tsehaylu,” or bouncy-bouncy, or something like that) in front of their family and friends. Given the near-Twilight level of fanaticism among Cameron’s fans, that’s probably just around the corner. Then again, maybe it’s already been done.
