Somehow we all forgot to observe Cheer Up Keanu Day this year, but Sad Keanu Reeves isn’t going to let that bring him down—not any further down, anyway. No, Sad Keanu has decided that if life hands you lemons, you should go straight out and publish a book of lemon recipes. Hence Keanu’s new book Ode to Happiness, which begins: “I draw a hot sorrow bath. In my despair room.” That’s what my apartment is lacking—a despair room.

Keanu claims the book was inspired by listening to a radio program full of absurdly despairing, bathetic songs (“Sometimes When We Touch” had to be in there someplace), but we all know better. The man still contains deep, deep wellsprings of sadness that he can plumb for future projects. “I’m considering another idea I call Haikus of Hope,” he says. “Basically like, ‘I want to kill myself, and go on from there.”