← Poor Tom Cruise Loses His Packer The Triumph of Hope over Inexperience →

The apocalypse is upon us, but at least we’ll be able to dress appropriately for the occasion: Perez Hilton is getting his own fashion line. Called Perez Hilton for Hot Topic (there’s an oh-so-subtle gossip allusion in there somewhere), the line will include items in Perezcious Pink and classy footwear like Gossip Gangster flip-flops. Here’s an excerpt from Perez’s own statement on this awful idea:

Some people might even call me a perfectionist, well that person would be me! I’m very passionate about my brand. I have extremely high standards and I like to get my hands dirty!

Hmm. Let’s ignore the salacious, vengeful, fame-whoring nature of Perez, his blog, and everything associated with him. And the way he splooges up the pics on his site, giving rise to the creepy suspicion that Perez spends his days in his basement cubicle, surrounded by celebrity photos, frantically working away at his crotch like an escapee from the Monkey House and squirting his man-chowder randomly about the room, really isn’t worth commenting on. No, the important point here is that Perez isn’t stylish. On his best days he still looks like the incarnate stereotype of the blogger as basement-dwelling, sociopathic nerd, and on his more frequent worst days he looks like some hideous C.H.U.D. version of the Lucky Charms leprechaun. Decent people don’t want to look like this, and the natural market for his clothing still won’t buy it because their moms do all their shopping. However, I admit that I would pay good money to see pictures of a couple with the male dressed in Perez Hilton duds and the female rockin’ it Heidi Montag style. And then I would have that couple neutered.

(Grateful acknowledgment to James Lileks for the title.)