Welcome to Things Noel Gallagher Hates, Part… aah, I don’t think they even make numbers that big. At any rate, the Gallagher shit list now includes the whole damn planet and very nearly everyone on it, as Noel explained to Chris Martin in his usual pungent fashion when the Coldplay frontman/wanker quizzed Gallagher on his interest in environmental issues and his commitment to a green lifestyle:

I actually couldn’t give a fuck about what’s going on outside my family: me, my missus, my two kids and my Mam, and her parents… that’s it, for me.”

Later in the same interview, Gallagher responds to James Blunt’s claim that flying is environmentally irresponsible by saying: “The thought of James Blunt gives me a migraine. James Blunt is bad for the environment that surrounds this part of my fucking head here.”

Stories like this have got to make you feel ambivalent. On the one hand, Noel Gallagher is the kind of guy who ought to be kept in a sack and only let out when he’s ready to go into the recording studio. Worse, his surly-git routine is becoming tedious. He’s like a stopped clock that always tells you it’s 12:00, if the clock also told you to fuck off and maybe threw a punch at you. On the other hand, Noel also made Chris Martin feel bad and put down James Blunt. Occasionally the clock is right when it says it’s 12:00. And possibly also when it tells me to fuck off.