French manhood, last seen running screaming for the border in 1940, may be extinct, at least based on the French Top 40. Uber-regulated xenophobic laws mandate 40% of radio songs must be in French. This has spawned a bizarre cottage industry of massively popular state-subsidized nursery-school pop, sing-along ditties performed by toddlers featuring phreakish It’s-A-Small-World-on-acid cartoon videos with zoned-out ET-eyed waifs, rainbows, penguins, gumdrops, & shit-eating hebephrenic grins. The soothing wimp-factor can’t-we-all-get-along lyrics surely constitute some form of mass hypnosis. Paris may be burning, but the French are too busy doing the penguin rap. Main players:

Ilona Mitrecey: Horrid little pedophiliac pin-up scored #1 smash with gob-smacking nut-shriveling Imagine-ripoff Un Monde Parfait. Where’s Patsy Ramsey when we need her?

Sebasto: Must-see horror: rancid, feathered, piss-yellow Barney-wannabe, aka French wog in a chicken suit. Fais le poule reached #2. According to whack-job conspiracy nutter Juliette Binoche, chicken is appropriate symbol of French pride.

Holly Dolly: Sick, scat-singing sexed-up donkey accompanied by dancing sheep, snowman, & other psychoses (disturbing video here) went to #4. Also covered pacifist anthem Don’t Worry Be Happy.

Titou Le Lapinou: Dancing homosexual rabbit went Top 10. Video. Also has dirty word rap.

Ozie Boo: 5 homosexual penguins: Ted, Ed, Ned, Nelly, & Fred. Pacifist propaganda: Learn to Live Together. "A place full of tenderness, humor & adventures especially created for 2-7 year-olds & their families." Official Ozie Boo website.

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