We really should have seen this coming. Lindsay Lohan has had a relationship with the Gotti: Three Generations project that’s bizarre even by her generous standards. First she was whacked from the role of Victoria Gotti, daughter of the Teflon Don, for excessive salary demands from her “agent” (*koff* Dina *koff*), then she was back in, playing the smaller role of John Gotti Jr’s wife Kimberly. (Any more excessive salary demands and she’ll be assigned to the role of Fifi, Kimberly’s beloved Cocker spaniel/toy poodle hybrid.) But apparently, LiLo was very nearly gone for good. What with one thing and another, Lindsay just isn’t seen as the Cal Ripken of Hollywood starlets, and the producers of Gotti were reluctant to take a chance on her. They only agreed after John Travolta (who’s playing John Gotti) promised to take her “under his wing” and make sure she stayed sober for the duration of the project. Travolta also introduced Lindsay to some of Scientology’s big wheels in LA and made her agree to attend the series of induction lectures that’s intended to turn her into a shiny new Scientologist.

This might actually happen. Lindsay is more or less a clinical nitwit, so she might very well buy into L. Ron Hubbard’s line of weapons grade hooey. If she does, the CoS will hoover so much money out of her bank account that buying drugs will become a complete non-issue. As a bonus, Linds can use the church’s E-Meter sessions to work through the trauma left over from her previous incarnations. Then again, as Tony Ortega wrote at the Village Voice blog, “Hell, how much worse could her past lives be than her current one?”