Well, of course I’m not talking about you. Or you. Or you, way in the back. I’m sure there’s an extremely ironic perspective that lets a person view a “Jackass” movie and still look in the mirror, mostly because that’s the only possible explanation for Mike Judge’s decision to get involved with a film that’s essentially a more action-packed version of Ass. But it’s harder to explain how a movie that features Steve-O barfing his lungs out in glorious 3D after drinking the sweat from a fat man’s ass crack somehow ran up the highest box office numbers for a fall opening of all time. (”Of. All. Time,” as I might say if I were drunk off my ass at a B-list music awards show.)

Granted, we live in a free society. If you want to plunk down ten bucks to watch a man whacking around a ping-pong ball with his dick, that’s your privilege. And the previous record holder for biggest fall opening was Scary Movie 3, so it’s not like we’ve fallen that much farther down the tree. In a way, it’s inspiring to see these guys with no talent for anything except sociopathic grossness somehow make a go of it in this crazy world. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to start practicing for my big Hollywood break by stapling my penis to my forehead.