It’s a little known fact, but Jessica Simpson still exists and in fact is taking up roughly twice as much space as she did back when people were paying attention to her. But to give the woman credit, she’s trying to move on with her life and become something other than a blonde, airheaded chew toy for her father Joe. Right now she’s preparing for marriage to Eric Johnson (some former football guy), and as part of the process she’s becoming a vegan cook, taking lessons at a bistro in Tarzana, California:

Jessica is determined to be more of a domestic goddess this time in regards to her marriage. She hardly ever prepared meals when she and ex-hubby Nick Lachey were together.”

This is probably a fairly smart move for someone who thought Chicken of the Sea was some kind of poultry product. What’s more, it might help with her weight gain by bringing her daily intake down below the 4000 or 5000 calories she seems to be currently inhaling. Either that, or we’ll learn if it’s physically possible for an adult woman to consume an entire sack of potatoes in 24 hours.