The whirlwind romance between Jessica Simpson and Cowboys QB Tony Romo might or might not be over, but “over” looks like the way to bet. Now all that remains is to finding the culprit that killed this storybook love affair. Most fingers are pointing at Jessica and Ashlee’s übercreepy dad Joe, and he’s a most satisfyingly finger-point-worthy object of scorn, no question about it. But there are more intriguing possibilities. Crazy Days and Nights has a blind item up which reads, in part:

What I guess finally drove him away was the fact that she is a big fan of erotic asphyxiation. She loves having it done to her to the point of passing out. He tried it once. Freaked him out, so he left because she wanted it most of the time. What I can’t figure out is who taught it to her? I doubt she reads so someone must have done it with her.

Most readers are taking the “doesn’t read” slam as a hint this Breathless Mahoney answers to the initials JS. If so, it wouldn’t be the first blind item airing dirty laundry where readers thought Jessica played the starring role. But that would only make the rainbow-colored mystery that is Jessica Simpson all the more enigmatic. If she’s such a depraved hose-beast between the sheets, why does she have so much trouble finding a boyfriend? Anyone this dumb ought to have guys lining up around the block for a chance to strangle her.

(Via UMC.)