Just because there’ll be no Transformers 3 next year, don’t expect 2010 to be suck-free. The latest entrant in a seemingly endless series of “who asked for it?” remakes from the big studios is Baywatch: The Big Screen Version. Various studios have threatened to inflict this on us for years now, but the project has been stuck in development hell. However, Paramount has hired Jeremy Garelick to write and direct, and the comedy writer — The Break-Up and (uncredited) The Hangover — thinks he knows just what the project lacked:

It felt like the template to do a movie that was similar to ‘Stripes’ and ‘Police Academy,’ the comedies I loved growing up. Rather than trying to pitch the tone, I figured it would be easier to write the first act to convey who these characters were.

So: Baywatch plus Police Academy. Kind of the perfect storm of suck. The Hoff might well make a cameo appearance, which could actually work. I see him as a Robert Shaw sort of character, a rum-soaked veteran telling the younger lifeguards about the time a shark bit his leg off. Pamela Anderson as the former lifeguard who turned to meth and became a raddled old stripper working in the kind of bar where the bathrooms are labelled “Pointers” and “Setters” will be harder to work into a comedic format.