Damn, I do adore that David Letterman, who, as everyone knows, isn’t one to tiptoe around any topic, no matter the interviewee’s desire to do so. Last night, Letterman pretty much obliterated the sunglasses-wearing Joaquin Phoenix, who hasn’t been doing a bad job at this himself, while promoting his alleged last film, Two Lovers:

Letterman: “You know, it’s been three years since you’ve been on the program, and, I will just say, right off the top here, you look a different that I remember you.”

Phoenix: Silently nods.

Letterman: “You’ve got the nice beard going, and…”

Phoenix: “Oh yeah. Thank you.”

Letterman: “How is that? The beard.”

Phoenix: “In what way?”

Letterman: “Well, is it comfortable? Is it itchy? Uh, are you pleased with it?”

Phoenix: “I’m okay with it other than you making me feel weird about it.”

Letterman: “I’m sorry, I’m making you feel weird about it?”

Phoenix: “Is there something wrong?”

Letterman: “I can’t be the first one to make you feel weird about it.”

Phoenix: “Hmm, no. I guess not.”

. . . .

Letterman: “I saw this movie the other night. Tremendous. What a tremendous film. You and, uh, who else is in it? You and the beautiful, lovely….”

Phoenix: “Hmmph.”

Letterman: “….Gwyneth Paltrow.“

That last bit only lends credence in Celebitchy’s theory the insufferable Gwyneth may very well have driven Joaquin away from acting. The Letterman interview only gets weirder from there, but my favourite part was when Joaquin tried to pimp his madd rappin skillz and even offered up a musical performance for a return visit. Letterman’s classic deadpan responses: “You know, that seems unlikely,” and “Joaquin, I’m sorry you couldn’t be here tonight.”

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