Jodie Marsh’s latest publicity stunt, Marry Jodie Marsh, is off to a flaccid start with only 2 contestants showing up for the first audition in her whirlwind UK tour. One of the pair showed up drunk for his chance to form a sacred covenant with the scary fluorescent orange slag.

Perhaps they heard Jodie keeps photos of her ex-bf’s willies for blackmail purposes. Or perhaps they learned Jodie’s a blog-poet a la Rosie O’Donnell. Or perhaps they read some of Jodie’s comments about her discards:

On Fran Kosgrove: "I knew he was an imbecile from day one."

On singer Antony Kosta: "He’s very, very, very, very small, the smallest I’ve ever seen. I’m talking like maybe 2 inches tops … He hasn’t got the best bum & is a bit overweight. He was always called the ugly one in Blue."

On DJ Dave Doyle: "Skint, no pride, lying, shit-in-bed, gutless, ugly twat!"

On teenage singer Kian Egan: Scored 2 out of 10 on her snatch-shirt

On Scott Wright: Announced she was "finished with men for good" after heated argument in London nightclub which was witnessed by hundreds.

Jodie’s the sort of last-call psycho cutie a man might shag as long as no one else knows about it, but not on family-hour TV where his mother might see it. Or, as Jodie said of ex-friend Chantelle: "I wouldn’t get married for publicity, no matter how much money I was offered."

See also Marry Jodie Marsh; Jodie Mush; the Real Jodie Marsh. BONUS: Easy downloadable Marry Jodie Marsh application! (pdf)