Evidently prison didn’t do much to reform Joe Francis’ character. Joe made a brief appearance on the Hollywood Party Girl show Tuesday and was asked how he felt about Lindsay Lohan’s relationship with Samantha Ronson, considering that he and Lindsay were briefly involved back in the days when she was working her way through the “F” section of the LA phone directory. The Girls Gone Wild guy was obviously miffed that anyone would pass up a classy package like him for the likes of Samantha, and proceeded to go off on a rant in his own inimitable style. He more or less called Samantha a crypto-male, said that she was insanely jealous and controlling, and added that only Samantha’s evil mind control powers kept Lindsay from reverting to her natural pattern of sleeping around with crapsacks like Joe Francis, the way God intended:

Lindsay’s straight,” he offered. “I think Sam has taken ownership of Lindsay. I think if Sam were to let Lindsay go even that much, Lindsay would revert back to being straight.”

The following night, Joe felt the need to enlarge on his comments, based on his extensive experience with underage girls blitzed on tequila doing things they can barely remember and would basically prefer to forget. Asked if he still thought Lindsay wasn’t a lesbian, he paused thoughtfully and said, “What!? Wut? All girls are lesbians!”

There has got to be some excuse that would justify sending this guy back to prison. This time he goes into the general pop, and gets to play the starring role in Cons Gone Wild: Celebrity Edition! Before shooting starts, the prisoners get all the tequila they can drink. And afterwards, free T-shirts.