… and I think I might be falling for him. Who wouldn’t fall for somebody with the sex appeal of Elvis and Marilyn Manson Monroe?

“I have fame on the level of a Marilyn Monroe or an Elvis, but part of the reason I didn’t go the way they did was because of my beliefs,” Travolta told the Irish Independent.

I wonder if he dances to “Stayin’ Alive” in the shower whilst practicing his “Elvis-Like” pelvic thrusts? There are only two people Johnny can credit for his youthful exuberance and ability to keep those famous moves as he has progressed in life: Tom Cruise for greasing him up during their daily “wresting matches” and L. Ron Hubbard, who teaches them that it ain’t gay if you’re married.

“People make judgments about it [Scientology], but often they don’t know what they’re talking about,” Travolta said. “I would advise anyone who wants to know about it to read up on it. We [the Church of Scientology] are only getting bigger and we help people all over the world, from disaster zones to drug rehabilitation.”

I kind of resent that whole judgment without knowing the facts thing. I mean really, if I don’t know something I’ll make it up, or ask one of my personalities to research it. I kind of wonder how that whole “depression doesn’t exist and AIDS is a mindset” thing fall into the grand scheme of things? But then again, maybe I’m just being picky I’m sure Xenu has a master plan.

Travolta also explained how he used his celeb status to help Scientology in Germany, where it had been under attack in some circles. “We were having a problem in Germany [where some critics called Scientology a money-making entity rather than a religion],” he told the Independent. “I talked to [former president Bill] Clinton who talked to Chancellor Kohl and things have improved since then.”

I hear things are sooper dooper betwixt Scientology and Germany (how’d that court case go again?) and things are really really great for Johnny, that whole cult thing, a big misunderstanding.

I also hear that Johnny and TomKat have joined forces and are using their celebritah status to end world hunger, genocide and herpes. They’re the bestest ever and Angelina doesn’t watch out one of these bitches is going to stick a shank in her kidney and claim the title of UN Word Ambassador for Erectile Dysfunction or something.

Really, if I were in to chubby cross dressers I’d be all about stalking ole Johnny boy, well the whole flying saucer into a volcano thing would be a turn off, but we could compromise, I’m sure.