The Agent was less than thrilled with People Magazine’s selection of Hugh Jackman as Sexiest Man Alive (presumably Robert Pattinson will have to settle for Sexiest Man Not Exactly Alive), but Salon.com has an alternative list that names Robert Downey Jr. the Sexiest Man Living, In the Opinion of Net-Surfing Hipsters. After that the list gets utterly random, much like People’s list. Nothing against these guys, but—Tom Colicchio? Jay Z? Michael Cera, for cryin’ out loud? (It must be said, however, that some people will find food for thought in the fact that Javier Bardem made both lists.)

All things considered, Downey seems like a pretty good pick: good looking, intelligent, an intriguingly troubled past, and talent oozing from every pore like the rich juices of a Butterball turkey. I wouldn’t mind trading places with Robert Downey Jr. Or Hugh Jackman, for that matter. To be honest, trading places with any of the guys on either one of these lists would have to be considered an enormous improvement.