Well, that didn’t take long. A mere 14½ years after he hacked up Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman, The Juice has finally been squeezed behind bars for a largely unrelated crime. Granted, he’ll be there for a long, long time–at least nine years, possibly 16 years, maybe as much as 33 years. Judge Jackie Glass handed down such a complex mix of concurrent and consecutive sentences that attorneys are still arguing about just how hard she smacked him. The judge listened quietly while Simpson rambled through a long, weepy statement regarding his antics in September 2007 with a Las Vegas memorabilia dealer, some drinking buddies, and a whole bunch of guns, and then threw the book at him.

Ironically, Judge Glass made it clear that the sentencing had nothing to do with the murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman. O.J. could be looking at life behind bars simply for his crimes in Las Vegas, and the judge stopped short of that—more or less. Simpson is 61, and he’ll be at least 70 when and if he gets out. Maybe The Juice should take up some sort of hobby to help see him through this. Just a thought, but a Nevada prison seems as good a place as any to search for the real killers.