Not too long ago, all of us were absolutely stunned to learn that the seemingly innocuous David Bowie masterminded the global recession all by his lonesome. However awful things may seem for those of us in the U.S., the citizens of the U.K. are, reportedly, having an even worse time of it lately. Fortunately, the Times UK seems to believe that the collapsing banks and sacked television presenters are a mere momentary discomfort, for Kate Moss will cure the recession:

[H]ere’s a brief round-up of Kate Moss’s 35th birthday celebrations, as eagerly reported in the press. Day One: a nine-hour bender at the Dorchester, during which she and celebrity guests drank £s;600 bottles of Cristal champagne and were serenaded by Lionel Richie. Day Two: a lavish medieval banquet at her North London mansion, during which a whole pig was roasted on a spit and one guest kept a Hackney cab waiting outside all night, running up a bill of £s;461. Next morning the partygoers were off to Paris on a specially chartered Eurostar train, where the celebrations continued. Total party duration: four days.

On the internet this week, critics raged about Moss’s “selfishness” and “insensitivity” at a time when thousands can’t even afford to turn on the central heating. You reckon? What if she’d stayed in for her birthday and had a quiet Chinese takeaway instead? The banqueting firm would have lost out on thousands, as would the off-licence, the staff and caterers at the Dorchester – and a black cab driver wouldn’t have made three days’ money in one night. Long may her “insensitivity” continue.

How can anyone spare anger for the likes of Kate Moss, who is spending her own money and minding her own business, when the hoggish bankers who have done us over like back-alley muggers are still getting bonuses and salivating over their pension pots? The viciousness of the internet comments about Moss defied belief: she was a hag who looked a decade older than her years/ where was her poor daughter?/ ugh, did you see the state of her skin? (I may have low standards but she looked pretty amazing to me).

For the love of God – she lives here and pays handsome taxes, doesn’t she? It isn’t Kate Moss who has lost billions and run up toxic debt that you, the taxpayer, will cop for. So why not save your venom for those who deserve it?

Well, Kate’s cash splash will certainly help things out a bit in England. In light of this bit of positive news, I hate to mention the rumour that Moss and her boyfriend, Jamie Hince of the Kills, are seriously contemplating a residential jump across the pond, that is, to New York City. Bloody hell, I’ll be David Bowie planned that too!