As most of you who aren’t Unabomber wannabes or D. B. Cooper have probably heard, blogging god/megadouche Perez Hilton got punched by Black Eyed Peas manager Polo Molina outside a Toronto nightclub early Monday morning. The story has about eighteen different layers of lameness (Molina threw the punch to spare Will.I.Am the trouble of doing so, it wasn’t much of a punch, etc., etc.) but the key words here are: Perez Hilton got punched. Hilton’s lawyer has already threatened to sue the bejeezus out of anyone who thinks assaulting his client is a good idea, so I’ll refrain from interrupting my happy dance to comment further on the matter. Instead, I’ll let Kelly Clarkson speak for me and about 300 million other Americans—well, it’s about half speaking and half cruel, mocking laughter, but it works for me. WWTDD has a roundup of comments from other celebrities, and there’s precious little Perez Hilton sympathy out there. Serial twitterer John Mayer’s comment is utterly typical:

I’d like to train you in Krav Maga. Then you’ll have the situational awareness not to get in someone’s face. I also want to train you in an old martial art called ‘Never Call A Black Dude a Faggot Jitsu.’”

You’d almost think Perez is an unpopular fellow or something. But what can you expect? Karma’s a bitch. A bitch, Perez. Never, ever call karma a faggot.