On the scariest day of the year it seems only appropriate to check up on our current Great White Rappin”’ Hope, and right now things don”’t look too good for him. Despite his obnoxiously confident exterior, KFed was in tears over the reviews of his performance on the Teen Choice Awards, and ticket sales have for his upcoming tour have been abysmal. Maybe it”’s time to cut the guy some slack.

Nah. KFed just served up a 32-piece bucket of deep fried, extra-crispy idiocy to New York Post reporter Maureen Callahan, and the guy clearly has more slack than he knows what to do with. The other thing this piece makes clear is that letting people know the real KFed is not a good strategy for improving his image. The article really defies excerption, but here”’s a more or less randomly chosen paragraph:

“I honestly think the media is a give-and-take. It’s not that I can say, Completely f – - k you. I could just only say, Halfway f – - k you. But I know why they do it. It’s because they’re making a lot of money. So I can’t be mad at you. I come from a place where people do a lot of things to make money. So I cannot be mad at them. But I like that real journalism. I like putting other people’s words in a sentence and making people, like, their faces light up about it. Not frown. Light up.”

We may have been overestimating this guy. Best Week Ever has a Celebrity Translator to help you through some of the dense spots in the interview, but I can tell you one thing: when you finish, you are going to want to buy tickets to see KFed live. And you”’re going to want to bring lots of beer bottles.