Following the mild scuffle between Kid Rock and Tommy Lee at the 2007 VMAs, Starpulse reports that Las Vegas comedian Jeff Beacher has suggested a boxing ring squareoff. Closeted rapper LL Cool J has offered up the funding, so we’re sort of wondering who would win in a smackdown:
| Kid Rock | Tommy Lee | |||||
| Origin | Born Robert James Ritchie (born January 17, 1971 in Romeo, Michigan). White trash family with American roots. |
Born Thomas Lee Bass (October 3, 1962 in Athens, Greece). Greek-American ancestry. | ||||
| Claims To Fame | Seven albums. Countless awards and nominations. Made $20,000 selling first album out of dad’s basement. Used to live below Queen Latifah in NYC. | Twenty-fiveish years as drummer for glam rock band Mötley Crue. Groupie fucker. Checks into hotels under the alias “Mr. Happy.” | ||||
| Catchphrase | “Bawwitdaba da baw a dang diggy diggy.” | “I’m a rhythm machine.” | ||||
| Toughness Factor: | Generally tosses the first punch. Can hypnotize opponents with ubercool slow walk. | Talks tough with no action. Did some jail time. Took tap and ballet lessons as a child. | ||||
| Artistic Integrity | Started rapping at age 15. Toured with Ice Cube at age 18. Switches genres at will. | Total sellout with “Rockstar: Supernova” and countless endorsement deals. | ||||
| Weapons Of Choice | Empty Budweiser cans. Cigar smoke. Dope rhymes. | Drum sticks. Pulling a bimbo onto his lap to confuse his opponent. | ||||
| Bullshit Factor | Won’t shut up about politics. Who the fuck listens to that crap? Just stick to the music. | Got naked for PETA’s anti-fur campaign but wore same pair of leather pants for a decade. | ||||
| Personal Life | Engaged twice and married once (for four months) to Pamela Anderson. Mutual crush of the Bush twins, whom he once referenced in a song about “pimping Barbara Bush.” | Ex-husband of stripper Elaine Starchuk, actress Heather Locklear, and silicone cyborg Pamela Anderson. Devoted entire chapter of autobiography to his dick. | ||||
| Sex Appeal | Doable only with beer goggles firmly in place. Unfortunately, we don’t drink beer. | Tales of prowess limited to groupies and bottled blondes. Pretty damn nasty. |
See also: Martha Stewart v. Rachael Ray
5 comments
Bravo, Miss Bedhead ;p
Thank you, gay boyfriend. I’ve been wanting to do another “fight” posting for awhile now and got all excited about this one.
But alas, the lurkers are out in full force at the most inconvenient time.
they say these guys are going to hit the ring!!>
my money is on Kid Rock!
If they were to hit the ring, I’d put my money on Kid Rock too. Tommy Lee’s a complete douchebag. Besides, any dude who’s a PETArd is totally lame. He’d probably be afraid of hurting KR! Wuss. God, he makes me sick, with his hideous tattoos and eyeliner and the whole faux-hipster-loser vibe. 45 fuckin’ years old, trying to look 25. Loser!
I could kick Tommy Lee’s ass, so it is foolish not to place money on Kidd Rock. I am going to find him and place my money on him.