One of the nice things about following Lindsay Lohan on her wildly self-destructive Drunkard’s Walk through life is that you get the bad behavior and delusional rantings of her parents thrown in as part of the deal. The latest example of this bonus action comes from Dina Lohan, who told Star magazine that her daughter would make a great action hero: “I would like to see her in a kick-boxing movie. She could do it.”

The notion of asthmatic, exhausted, and chronically hungover Lindsay trying to rip the Tomb Raider crown away from Ms. Jolie-Pitt is, to put it charitably, retarded. Consider Mr. and Mrs. Smith’s latest escapade:

They [Brangelina] were chased by photographers, cameramen and reporters when they took a 20-minute ride on a motorized rickshaw Sunday.
When traffic signals slowed their escape, security men travelling in a separate rickshaw were forced to jump out and surround the couple’s vehicle to limit the press intrusion.

A motorized rickshaw. How cool is that? It makes James Bond in a tank with an equestrian statue on top careening through the streets of St. Petersburg sound positively mundane.

Lindsay would be better off going the superhero route. I can easily picture her in a movie where she stumbles blearily into the ladies’ room at Hyde and emerges brushing white powder from her nostrils, totally energized and ready to take on Paris and her evil minions. Snowbunny vs. the Firecrotch Gang, maybe. Or, as Lindsay calls it, “last Thursday.� Although I believe she has six other names for the same scenario.