As far as Lindsay Lohan is concerned, one quality is rather admirable about her – the ability to completely see through her father’s bullshit. The starlet has been estranged from her father for a number of years, the reasons for which are evident within his immediate call to a tabloid upon hearing of his daughter’s automobile accident. In this call, Michael Lohan stated that Lindsay’s accident and DUI “could be blessing” and “This could be the sign that gets her the help she needs.” What a prick.

As many realize, Michael Lohan recently left prison for various 2005 DUI and assault convictions, claims to have seen the light in prison, and has become an ordained minister. Not that he spent years fervently studying scripture in a seminary, but rather a few minutes online filling out an incredibly short web form application:

Welcome!
You are about to become an ordained minister of the
Universal Life Church, Modesto, California.

Please be sure to find out about the legal doctrines governing your country, state or province. After you fill out the following form, your request will be promptly reviewed by pastoral staff. You will receive notification of your ordination status by email.

Ordinations are conducted several times each week, so normally you will hear from us within a day or two. We do not furnish this information to any outside organization for any purpose. Your privacy is carefully guarded. There is no charge or obligation associated with your ordination. Ordination is for life, without cost, and without question of faith.

Yes, just about anyone can Become An Ordinated Minister, and for a whopping $10, a printable certificate is available. As a supplemental endorsement, the Certificate of Sainthood goes for $5.00. Michael Lohan didn’t even have the decency to pay for shipping.

In addition to boozing and abusing, Lindsay’s father spent much of her childhood in a federal prison for defrauding investors as the leader of New York’s Futures Traders. According to a family friend, “Michael Lohan has had so many problems with the law, it’s hard to keep track.” And since Dina Lohan’s chronic sluttiness and boozing episodes rival her eldest daughter’s so-called problems, at least we know that Lindsay comes by these things honestly.