Casual sex anyone? Oh yes…it’s that time again when the lovely demystifying divas tackle a topic in tandem. This is an issue that I’ve tried to write upon before. Preliminary scribbles were attempted by my usually nimble fingers, but I felt myself pretty damn incapable of forming any solid theories on the subject. Quite simply, I wasn’t fully willing to follow through on my own, as my own experience with casual sex has been met with mixed results. Needless to say, the topic has indeed hung around awkwardly in my mind for awhile. Thankfully, the four divas all have very different views on this one, so I shall now dive headlong into our discussion.

Some do it, some don’t do it, and some did do it. I’d be willing to be that in most cases, casual sex is the man’s idea, and for whatever reason, the woman goes along for the ride. Even scientists tell us that men and women process visual sexual stimuli differently. The emotion control center of the brain, the amygdala, shows significantly higher levels of activation in males viewing sexual visual stimuli than females viewing the same images. Now before we pop off and explain this away as “Men are just more visual,” these studies were conducted with men and women who both expressed high levels of arousal after viewing the sexual images. The difference is that the motivating center of the brain kicked into turbo gear for the males, which of course is consistent with the stereotype of the typical horny man who will sleep with almost anything in a skirt. Oh don’t be coy. Certainly you have heard that evolutionary rationale that some men use as an excuse to be assholes: “I’m just spreading the seed around, babe.”

Ahem. Let me state the obvious here. Humans are not mere sophisticated chimpanzees. We don’t just mate. Natural selection is practically obsolete, and the excuse that men are polygamous by nature is something I just cannot rest upon. Shouldn’t we try to achieve more than succombing to our basal instincts and then using them to explain all our bad behaviour away? This topic of commitment as opposed to casual sex is quite often a deal breaker between couples. It’s a threshold issue accompanied by great strife. No skipping to the next level here. You either conquer this dragon or you don’t. As such, it is a seminal topic and one deserving of very deep contemplation.

Statistics show that the majority of sexually active people who prefer a casual approach to sex are male. This of course does not come as a shock, due to the previously discussed issues of biology, societal norms, and most importantly, the emotional disposition of women. Most of us [emphasis on MOST] females are pretty incapable of having sex without emotions coming to the surface. A lot of the emotions that do come to fruition are tied directly to the blessed gift of our predominant sexual hormones, progestin and estrogen. Estrogen is the one almost completely at play here, so listen up.

A lot of “female behavior” is due to the omnipresent and much feared estrogen, which is the single determinative factor that makes us female. It is always present in our bloodstream, and its concentration increases during pregnancy, when we nurse our child, and YES, when we orgasm. This hormone is the reason why mothers nurture and comfort their child, while testosterone-laden fathers are the ones who wrestle around with and help develop the social and motor skills of a child. Both are necessary to create and raise effectively balanced and well-adjusted human offspring. This is perpetuation of the species, Darwin at his finest.

Ideally, as male and female, we end up together and make some beautiful and well-doing children. So both halves make the whole”’sounds simple enough. Insert Tab A into Slot B. Lather, rinse, and repeat. C’mon Kiddo, you just couldn’t believe it would be so simple. Fucking men that one hardly knows or cares for is not something that most females can do freely and shamelessly. And you are correct, it just doesn’t seem like an equal bargain because, trust me fellas, estrogen can be a major bitch. Your girlfriend doesn’t get weepy right before her period because it’s fun. You can be pretty certain that she hates it too. But it isn’t something easily done away with, and playing with one’s hormones is a dangerous game, for a reason. Don’t fuck with nature, or it will fuck you right back in the form of cell mutation. This is nature”’s way of telling us that we just cannot change our sexuality [transitional post-ops being a whole other issue].

Women are programmed as the more emotional of the species to do our equally valuable part in perpetuating the human race. So what is my view of sex? Sweating and moaning, groaning and clutching, thrusting and squeezing. The tight embraces and the crushing kisses. This is the most vulnerable and intimate one can possibly be with a person. Climaxing in a man’s arms is utterly indescribable. So I won”’t even attempt that right now… on with the issue at hand

Okay boys, imagine you just started getting serious with a gorgeous girl. Imagine that you are fucking the hell out her. Got it? Alright, besides your pleasure, what is the goal here? Aha. Here we arrive at the next threshold–the female orgasm. The younger men generally don’t care, as puberty promotes one’s self pleasure. With age, men get better at pleasuring women. It becomes more important to them that their partner gets off in the process. Most guys I know fantasize about sleeping with a woman capable of being multiorgasmic, and they want to be the ones to get them there–repeatedly. [One could hypothesize on the reason for this, which I am thinking that pleasure derived off a partner's orgasms largely functions to feed the ego, but this point really isn't important.] My point is, men want these female orgasms to happen, and they want them to be crashing, thrashing, screaming ones of the very intense variety. Estrogen city hits, and well, dude you were largely responsible in making it happen. You simply cannot be surprised that emotions will almost certainly happen as a result.

Casual sex for me was a huge mistake. Sure I have tried it a few times before, and only once did I do so with complete lucidity. It really sucks, and I just don’t have the desire to ever be so casual again. I decided that before I sleep with someone, mutual articulation must first occur that it’s more serious than being a mere fuck buddy. That said, I am most surprised to have finally found an equal partnership with awesome sex and an eye towards the future. Sex is wonderful, but this talent will be shared only upon mutual respect. More determinatively, my sexuality is part of my emotional, hormonal, and yes, utterly female self.