Dear Jennifer Love,

I hear that in an attempt to shed your “good girl” image, you are considering a pictorial spread in the men’s magazine, Playboy. Since I’m always willing to stoke the fire a bit, I thought you could possibly benefit from a synopsis of past experiences of other female celebrities who posed for the magazine.

Cordially,

Agent Bedhead

Shannen Doherty: March 1994 and December 2003

Shannen first posed nude after leaving her run on Beverly Hills 90210. She enjoyed a few years on the UPN series, Charmed, before being booted from the set. Since then, she’s been only been employed by several failed nighttime soaps and sitcoms. Even worse, her ex-fiance probably made more money by releasing his Paris Hilton sex tape.

Belinda Carlisle: August 2001

Carlisle, whose solo career only saw moderate spikes of success after the GoGo’s broke up in 1985, posed for Playboy at the age of forty-two years. It is speculated that the explicit spread was a promotional ploy for the reformed Go-Go’s comeback album, which ultimately was a commercial disaster. In 2004, she was the first celebrity chef to bite the dust on the British reality show, Hell’s Kitchen.

Michael Latoya Jackson: March 1989

The so-called “black sheep” of the Jackson family, who claims abuse at the hands of her parents, her former manager, and your mama, Latoya has never released a major commercial music hit single or album. Her career highlights include being the object of continuous jokes by late-night talk show hosts.

Drew Barrymore: January 1995

After detoxing at age twelve, Barrymore somehow managed a career comeback after starring in Poison Ivy, flashing her boobs at Dave Letterman and posing nude for Playboy. Since then, her career has sustained highly bankable levels as an actress and producer, but her boobs have unfortunately fallen dramatically.

Debbie Gibson: March 2005

Former pop princess of the 1980′s faced record company woes while trying her hand at a variety of musical formats, including punk rock (?), before forming her own record label to release her music. In an attempt to shed her wholesome aura, she posed for the men’s magazine in conjunction with the release of her single, “Naked.” Neither the nude pictorial nor the title of the song generated interest.

Geri Halliwell: May 1998

After leaving the Spice Girls, whom Geri claimed were always “jealous” of the media attentions she received, Halliwell’s solo album debuted at the forty-second slot in the Billboard 200 before she fell out of the chart within a few weeks. Recently spotted having dinner with Victoria “Posh Spice” Beckham, but otherwise, who knows?

Nancy Sinatra: May 1995

At the age of fifty-four, Nancy released a new CD at the time of her Playboy appearance. Nancy’s father was furious at the explicit nature of the pictorial. Despite surviving Sammy Davis Jr., reported rumours of involvement with the mob, and prolonged FBI surveillance, Frank Sinatra showed signs of heart failure only after his daughter posed nude in Playboy.