Good news, rabid Twilight fans! After a rousing evening of hanging with your Twilight Barbie dolls and mastering the Twilight board game, let’s suppose that you retire to the bedroom and cuddle up with the Twilight sex toy, which, naturally, is known as “The Vamp” and sparkles just like Edward Cullen does. Now, you can also enhance the experience with the life-size (all 6’2″ of him) Rob Pattinson vinyl silhouette. That’s right–now you can affix Edward to your bedroom wall and let him watch you sleeping or, you know, getting it on with “The Vamp.” This amazingly ridiculous Edward shadow can be yours for a mere $60.00, which is a small price to pay for never actually getting laid again. (So, I guess “Be Safe” really only refers to bodily safety and has nothing to do with practicing safe sex, eh?)

Never mind that traditional bloodsucker lore holds that vampires don’t have reflections or shadows. Remember this is the Twilight universe, where vamps don’t turn to a pathetic little pile of ashes upon the first ray of sunlight, and werewolves wax their chests. Any questions?