Clearly, it is beyond my ruffian capacity to comprehend why anyone would, willingly and for cosmetic purposes, inject a bacterium — clostridium botulinum, which causes food poisoning that results in muscle paralysis — into their face. Obviously, my lowbrow self just doesn’t get it, because sales of Botox (Botulinum neurotoxin type A) raked in $1.21 billion last year. For that kind of money, it’s easy to downplay results of FDA testing:

Botulism neurotoxin can disrupt nerve cells’ ability to communicate and may change spinal cord circuitry.

Scientists injected botulism toxin into one side of the hippocampus in each rodent brain, and into their superior colliculus, a visual center. From one side of the hippocampus, the toxin migrated to the opposite. From the visual center, the drug went to the animals’ eyes.

Of course, the talking heads for Botox are quick to point out that humans (at least, most of us) are not rodents. Further, Mathew Avram, who runs a Bostonian Dermatology, Laser, and Cosmetic Center insists, “But this treatment has been used on millions of people for years, and we’re not seeing major central nervous system uses with it.” Try and tell me this guy doesn’t have any vested interest in Botox sales. Further, if no neurological abilities are hindered by Botox, I encourage you to try and convince me that, somehow, Nicole Kidman’s acting ability didn’t all but disappear at some point between her roles in The Others (2001) and The Invasion (2007).

Hey, a mouse may be just a mouse, but Algernon will bite you. Natch.

Thanks to Inspector Flea, who also wants to know, What the Hell Happened to Your Face?

Previously: No Country For Botox? Oh, Screw That.