Day by day, I’m developing a grudging respect for Lindsay Lohan. Just reading about her life is an exhausting, full-time job. Posting about every one of her publicity-whoring misadventures would provide more than enough material for a whole separate blog, so this post will bundle several stories into one.

It began on Thursday, like most of Lindsay’s weekends, when the Mean Girl arrived in New York sporting a healthy orange glow that made her look like an Oompa Loompa or Victoria Beckham’s Irish cousin. One reason for her visit was her mother’s birthday at Philippe, a get-together that unfolded like a story ripped from the case files of Jerry Springer. By the time Lindsay arrived, her mom Dina and her friends were already into their second bottle of Cristal, and Lindsay and Mom almost immediately started fighting in a very public manner. The fight waxed and waned while Lindsay asked the ref for several time-outs so she could retire to the bathroom to powder her nose and bronchial tubes, and finally climaxed when Lindsay told her mom to “Go to hell!â€? and stormed out, leaving Dina in a puddle of drunken tears.

Lindsay’s next stop was the after party for Calvin Klein’s New York Fashion Week show, an event that Lindsay probably enjoyed a lot less when she learned that the fake Paris Hilton was one of the guests, not to mention the real Brandon Davis. The next night Lindsay was leaving another Fashion Week party at Milk Studios when she managed to trip and fall while walking across a level stretch of ground in low-heeled boots. Given her typical post-party state, this mishap probably hit Lindsay’s inner ear like the climactic thirty seconds on the roller coaster at Six Flags, and she ended up breaking her wrist in two places. Lindsay is now threatening to sue Milk Studios on the grounds that they don’t do enough to keep addled, self-destructive starlets from tripping over their own feet.

Whew. That’s it for this installment of The Adventures of Lindsay Lohan. If Lindsay keeps livin’ la vida loca at this pace, 36 hours from now you’ll be looking at a new post eight pages long.