Bad enough that Madonna has already announced that she plans to move back to New York while she and Guy Ritchie conduct their transatlantic nuclear holocaust of a divorce. Now the she-demoness global sex symbol is trying to bring Gwyneth Paltrow with her. Apparently Gwyneth was “a rock” during the breakup of Madonna’s marriage, and now it’s payback time. According to the Sun:

They were in constant contact during the difficult period and Madonna really valued Gwyneth’s advice. Madge is desperately sad to be leaving one of her best friends behind and has been urging her to join her in the Big Apple.”

Confound it, British people—we thought we were rid of these harridans, once and for all. You can’t just let them come back here! If Madonna and Paltrow both return, then we’re sending Posh and Becks back home—by catapult, if need be. Of course, Gwyneth’s husband Chris Martin hasn’t said anything about this scheme, so there’s still hope. But fair warning—if Gwyneth arrives in New York with a Coldplay musician in her luggage, expect a Robin Leach-tipped missile to be launched in your general direction.