Hypocrisy, thy name is Madonna. The woman who singlehandedly turned bustiers, rosaries, and cone bras into teenage fashion statements has forbidden her daughter Lourdes from going out on dates until the age of eighteen:

“No boys for [Lourdes] until she turns 18,” the “Papa Don’t Preach” crooner says. She’s a good girl, though. She doesn’t have it easy. Late-night TV, junk food and mess are not tolerated in my house.”

When Lourdes does turn eighteen, she will finally realize what a controlling bitch her mother really is. While I am not suggesting that Madonna introduce ten-year old Lourdes to mommy’s Sex book, I do find the irony sadly amusing. After all, Madonna spent her high-school years sneaking out to gay discotheques. Miss M dropped out of college to commence nude modelling, slept her way into the music business, and a few years later, released a hit single and video that made teenage pregnancy sooper cool.

Now Madonna is too proper to even acknowledge her not-so-distant past, and even Rabbi Shmuley Boteach calls her out on her two-faced cowardice:

[F]or many years Madonna vulgarized our culture, exposed her body to America’s teenagers and generally portrayed women in a highly degrading light. But after she became a mom, she moved to England, essentially complaining that America was too decrepit a culture to raise kids.

That’s a bit unfair. When it was our kids, she didn’t mind corrupting them. But when it was hers, she fled to a safer environment.

Essentially, Madonna made her millions from creating controversy and lowering the bar for all artists, but she fled the fruits of her poisonous tree when she realized what she had done. Below are more pictures from Madonna’s “coffee table book” and one from her Human Nature video, in which she simulated orgies, bondage, and whatever else she could possibly think of to piss off the world.

UPDATE: Madonna also “expresses concern” about Lourdes’ newfound interest in tight blue jeans. Oh, just shut the fuck up already!